


Disposable Girls

by milliondollarbum



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Artist Harry, F/F, Girl Direction, Louis-centric, and of course the casual alcohol drug abuse, girl!Harry, girl!Liam - Freeform, girl!Louis, girl!Niall, girl!Zayn, it's different timelines, queen b louis, trigger for eating disorter I guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5059105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milliondollarbum/pseuds/milliondollarbum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em> "Or you'll what?" She laughed right into her face, "Fuck me, rape me, hit me against my will? Nothing you do, I swear I already know the melody of."</em>
</p><p>  <em>Harry said nothing as she held her down, looking into her eyes. </em></p><p>  <em>Louis continued to giggle, that turned into a half gargling sound of maniac laughter as Harry released her, “You’re more fucked up than me.”  </em></p><p> <br/>Or, Louis and Harry are at the different ends of the social ladder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disposable Girls

**Author's Note:**

> This is so fucked up

_Disposable girls_   
  


 

 

 _Five years went by so fast._   
  
Harry would never admit just how much of her art were inspired by Louis Tomlinson, and how often she would think back on all their secret conversations.  
  
It took her years, all these years, to realise Louis wasn't some annoying bitch. She was just like her, a broken girl with scars she hided under perfect makeup.  
  
Yes, Harry had finally matured and she looked forth to the night. The class reunion.  
  
"You're ready?" Zayn asked. They both shared a enormous flat in the uppertown.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
The ride wasn't long, and all the flashback and nostalgic she got when she entered were ridiculous.  
  
She spotted Liam straight away. It’s weird how they all went they own ways and actually succeeded, Liam with her football career, Zayn with her modeling, and Harry with her art. They tried to hang out as much as possible, but with their jobs it was hard; yet they did succeed in staying friends ever since they left high school.  
  
The three friends mingled together with everyone, until Liam finally saw Louis. Louis Tomlinson, homecoming queen and head bitch. That girl everyone followed, and she hadn’t aged a day. She was looking perfect in her tight long, white dress that showed of all her curves perfectly and matched her tan skin. Her hair had only gotten longer, now all the way down to her bum; her makeup pristine and perfect as usual.  
  
She hadn’t changed at all.  
  
"Where's Niall?" Liam asked as they closed in on her.   
  
Louis looked at the wall, but her mind were far away, "She didn't make it."  
  
"Aw, next time we have these rejoins I need to catch up with her, she seemed nice." Zayn said.  
  
Louis chuckled darkly at Zayn. She laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, and smiled that perfect, plastic, angelic smile that Harry could never forget.  
  
"I mean, she didn't make it, she couldn't handle the lifestyle." Louis looked at Liam square in the eye, "You left and she was next. You knew the hierarchy, she was next in line. She didn't make it."  
  
Liam choked, "Louis, please don't tell me-"  
  
The small girl nodded with a face filled with fake symphony.  
  
"Niall was a nice girl."  
  
"Fuck you Louis, fucking hell, do you know how many have died because of you?" Liam said with a small voice.  
  
Louis smiled again. That fakly kind, Harry noticed, she still haven't grown out of it.  
  
"Well, it is the way of life. Girls always dies."  
  


* * *

  
  
_Girls always dies_ , was Harry Styles masterpiece next winter as it presented. It's weird how Harry had only spoken to Louis during that shitty project they had to do together, yet she always remember her.   
  
She have always been her inspiration, her muse, during all these years and she wondered what she did now. Probably living of her father money. She wished she had spoken longer to her when she had the chance at the reunion; or take up contact again.  
  
But Louis wasn’t her to be missed -- but she somehow misses her.  
  


  
_Disposable girls_

 

  
If you looked at Louis you would automatically think of the queen b -- the head bitch of the school.  
  
And you would be correct. Louis Tomlinson was hated and envied by every girl in school, and lusted after by every boy.  
  
She was the homecoming queen, every move she made was gossiped about.  
  
Louis had everyone around her finger, from teacher to the frat boys and diverse sports captains.  
  
She was everyone's favourite jewellery, the perfect accessory. She was a pretty hole with F-cup and bum. Skinny waist, latest fashion and killer heels.  
  
Louis Tomlinson was the queen. She was what everyone wanted, she was the perfect barbie doll.  
  
“Maybe if you ate less, and didn’t look like some twelve year old you could have been my friend.” She laughed the new girl right in her face. She had spirits, ambitions, she would give her that. But she was also a freshman over size four - and to be fair she helped her.  
  
She’ll get bullied after Louis turned her down like everyone else, she knew that. But to be bullied was way better than to live _her_ lifestyle.  
  
Louis smiled fakely down at the freshman, Jess?, “I think I saw you on pornhub last night, at the bbw tag.” She saw her whole face fall and break.  
  
She was doing her a favour, she repeated once again as she saw the frat boys bullies her some weeks later.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
_“Hey mum,” Harry answered as she continued to add more red to her painting. She have been working on this piece for months, yet she never seemed to get it right._   
  
_“No, no, everything good with me! And you?” She said back with a fond smile, she had finally made it big, big enough to buy her mother a big house in the out skirt of London with a small vegetable farm._   
  
_“Really? How adorable.” She said into the mic. She was distracted, usually she would pay all her attention to her mum but she was just so frustrated. The painting could never compete with it’s origin, she had tried to draw a angel held down by a devil stretching up towards heaven yet she couldn’t make it right._   
  
_“I’m sorry mum, I have to go, love you!” She ended the call._   
  
_Why couldn’t she just get it right. The brown haired angel was perfect, same with the sky. But every time she repainted the devil, it only looked like her._   
  
_Harry didn’t get it, every time she redid the nose it would end up the same - looking like an exact copy of her own nose._   
  
_She screamed and threw white paint all over the canvas, she would start a new. Maybe._   
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
"Oi, Haz you've heard about Johanna?" Zayn said as she took as seat next to Harry at their dumpster of backyard. It was midday, around lunchtime or so, and they still found themselves ignoring their shitty lunch for weed and pizza from the run down joint half a km down.   
  
"Bulimia was it?" Harry asked as she took a drag from the joint.  
  
"Yea, the girls really goes too far to join in Louis squad." Zayn chuckled.   
  
"Fucking stupid if you ask me, why the fuck would you want to starve to become _perfect_ ," Harry said dryly.  
  
"Ay, everyone can't be some 1,80 skinny catwalk model like you." Zayn rolled her eyes.  
  
"My body is made from alcohol and drugs," Harry mocked offended, putting a hand on her chest.  
  
"That and ugly as fuck tats." Zayn said as she opened her cheep beer.  
  
"Like your gads are any better, babe." The tall girl said back as she took another drag from her illegal fag.   
  
"My tattoos are fucking perfect."  
  
"Sure they are, sweetheart." Harry smirked sarcastically at Zayn, "How many does actually have any meaning? Like half of our tats are just intoxicated influenced."  
  
"Like our rose tattoos, the pictures tell the stories, this life had many changes," Zayn sang out in a bad tune.  
  
Harry barked out a laugh, "Well that's one way to look at it!"   
  
They sat in silence as they got higher than space and drank their hard liquor straight from the bottle. They've already skipped one lesson, what is one more.  
  
"But what's the deal with Tomlinson?" Harry asked slowly, dragging out every word, "Why does everyone want to be in her clique?"  
  
Zayn shrugged, lifting her hand to the sun that was slowly dying in the horizon, "They want their life to be like the tv-shows. And becoming friends with Louis makes it a possible. They want the gossip and heartbreak. They really want to fuck their lives over like Louis is doing."  
  
Harry giggled and tried to grab the sun into her hand, "Fucking weird mate, I will probably never get them. Why the fuck would you want to live a reality show?"   
  
Zayn laughed with her, also trying to fight, take, make love, anything with the sun.  
  
"The sun is mine," she sang in fake falsetto, ignoring what Harry said; who gives a fuck about conversation when the sun is smiling, grinning, laughing with them full of purple and blue.  
  
"Then the moon is mine." Harry slurred out.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
"That shit will kill you," Louis said as she entered the push balcony. It was ridiculous large, just like everything they owned. She loved the lifestyle, to have everything she pointed at. She knew how hard it was growing up poor and she’ll never go back there.  
  
"You should quit while you're still young." Her mother said back as she took a drag from her menthol cigarette. "Red marlboro? You should at least go down to gold, silver even better." She pointed out.  
  
Louis shrugged as she lighted up her 100's red with her newly bought zippo lighter with a stillbild from some doggy fucking porn scene. It's ugly as fuck, and she was way too faded when she bought it.  
  
"I'll find the motivation to quit when I get pregnant." She said pointedly as she opened the bottle of chevron and poured it into her white wine glass.  
  
"Don't bring that up. I only smoked around three fags a day and you came out perfect." Johannah hushed her as she took a sip from her wine.  
  
"I'm like, 90 percent sure I have ADHD or something." _perfection like an alcoholic youth with drugs and sex problems_ , she thought. True rock style lifestyle, and probably in need of a psychologist and rehab.  
  
"So anyway, how's life?" Her mother asked, lighting up a joint right next to her.  
  
Jesus, how did this become her life. Sure, she smoked and drank with her aunts, but mum? She wasn't sure when it started, she just knew this was her to normality.  
  
"Can't complain. Everything is boring as fuck, though. No real entertainment, just the same old bullshit repeating over and over again." Louis took the joint from where it was placed at the ashtray. Was this an indirect kiss with her mother? As long as she didn't dish she was cool though.  
  
Jay snorted, "It's the same old story here with all these gossiping wives. I think Rebecca and me is the only ones who haven't slept with our gardeners or pool boys." She shook her head with laughter.  
  
"If it makes you feel better, I slept with both of them, there you have some new gossip." She winked at her and took another sip of her wine. It taste like shit. She frowned as she cascaded it down the balcony and poured herself some red instead.  
  
Louis smiled around the brim, much better. The only thing missing was some dark chocolate or cheese.  
  
"Cute." Johanna smiled fakely at her, lighting up another joint as she killed the last. Her mother really was a rich smoker, killing them when it still had some ⅓ part left. But, she was also a firm believer that the last part caused cancer.  
  
"I don't get why cannabis is illegal, it is simple wonderful. Everyone thinks so, and no one dies from it," Johanna changed the subject as the pair looked out over their ridiculous big garden drenched in pink and red by the sunset.  
  
"I know, alcohol is why more dangerous than mary." Louis nodded.  
  
The sun colored everything oh so pretty, but the only thing she could feel when she looked down from their push balcony was disgust and indifference.  
  
She needed something stronger. Her mother was next to her, so hard drugs was out of the picture.   
  
Louis waved a servant over, Joshua, "Get me a strong scotch. Preferable from my old man's private collection in his study."  
  
Johanna chuckled before making the peace sign, "Makes that two, dear," She winked.  
  
"I see no reason why we shouldn't be selling marijuana at the shops. Like amsterdam or colorado does." Louis said, focusing on the conversation.  
  
"Indeed, and it would keep the drug dealers out of our beautiful city." She nodded seriously.  
  
“The hard core drugs, though, the ones that kills you should still be illegal.” Louis said back to her as she took another drag from her joint.  
  
Jay shook her head, “No, no, every drug should be legal, then we can take out all these dirty drug dealers, there’s bloody immigrants everywhere stealing our money!”   
  
Louis think it’s quite hypocritical of her to have that view, as until he was ten those dirty immigrant where their neighbours in the slums.   
  
“Nah, they should be illegal for the same reason suicide is illegal,” Louis states as Jay spit out her wine.  
  
“Suicide is illegal? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” She said as Joshua entered the balcony with a golden plate filled with scotch older than Louis herself prepared in ice cold glasses.  
  
“Josh, hear this!” She said as he sat their glasses down, “Suicide is illegal, how stupid isn’t that? If a person wants to die - let them die!”   
  
Joshua nodded with his ever present smile, “Indeed.”  
  
Louis rolled her red rimmed eyes and took half her scotch in one go. Fuck, it burned. “You are both missing the point. Suicide is illegal so the police can enter when they are committing it. They police needs a reason to enter someone’s home, and if it is a crime they can.”  
  
Jay rolled her eyes, “If they are trying to die, let them.”  
  
“No, I think that’s actually kind of good.” Josh said quiet, “I can see why it would be illegal, like if you get a text that just reads ‘goodbye’ you can call the cops and they can forcefully enter the apartment as the person in question is about to commit a crime.”  
  
Louis smiled brightly, “Yes! And that’s why the hard drugs should be illegal, if someone is overdosing the cops can enter and send them to the hospital!”  
  
Johannah though it over as they shared their third joint of the evening, sipping red wine and scotch.  
  
Louis was feeling herself getting dizzy and she welcomed it with open arms.   
  
“I can see a point in that.” She said at last.  
  
“But cannabis should be legal.” Louis was a fucking pro at playing sober, she have done it since she was fourteen. Everyday she was faded, and everyday no one noticed it. She really did thank God for making sunglasses and her ridiculous out going personality that no one could detect was mostly made out of alcohol and drugs.  
  
“Sir is on his way home now, ladies.” Josh said after taking a phone call.  
  
Louis smiled fakely at Jay, “Well, guess I need to clean up and look like a perfect angel again. Dispose of the ashtray as per usual, Joshua.” She said as she left to her room. She’ll need make up, lenses and half a bottle vanilla vodka.   
  


* * *

  
“Hi, mum,” Harry said as he entered their small apartment.  
  
“How have your day been, love?” Anne asked as she hugged her daughter, “Dinner’s in the fridge, I have to take another shift tonight, alright?”   
  
Harry nodded, “Cheers,” She said dryly. She hated how little time she spend with her mother, but she knew how hard she worked for the little things they owned.  
  
“I love you.” Harry said to her as she walked through the door.  
  
“I love you too, darling!” She shouted back and threw a raspberry at her.  
  
Harry frowned, knowing how overworked Anne really was, but still kept strong because of her. She vowed to give her everything back and more.   
  
Her mother was her favorite person, the most beautiful angel; and she deserved everything.  
  


* * *

  
_Harry was way out of it. She wasn't sure how much she'd been drinking, she only knew of today, now, right this bloody pink now. She continued to doodle on her pink napkin with her purple pen._   
  
_She was drunk, she knew, but fuck if she knew of all the drugs that were in her system, some two pills of eva, three lines of coke. She can’t remember much after that, but she got inspiration, and all of that she drew on that pink napkin._   
  
_Harry have her inspiration, she have her own Louis in a painting. Hands touching her everywhere, in all intimate places and so many more with her background of lockers and school._   
  
_She don't remember getting home, she just remember turning her thoughts into canvas. Oils, Harry remembers now, "you better get over it, alkis girls..." she murmurs the distant thought she heard Louis speak to her earlier that evening. It might have been God. Everything was blurry and weird, but she was walking on clouds and this painting was everything._   
  
_All her sense was focusing on it, obviously with all that coke she took, she could smell which color fit where, hear the canvas speaking to her, and she saw the most beautiful woman ever become known._   
  
_Harry looks at the piece she did last night, it's a disgusting human like creature of a woman with hands all over her. She paints white all over it, she couldn't captured Louis beauty in it._   
  
_Once, twice, she tried. More drugs._   
  
_Harry sights as they presented her latest work, that picture of Louis with hands of diversely colour covering her._   
  
_Her small disgusting secret went away for over 8millions pound._   
  
_She didn't feel satisfied -- she felt disappointed, she couldn't capture Louis, yet this work sold for over millions._

  
  
_Disposable girls_   
  


  
"I'm hungry, can you fetch me my loka bottle, darling?" Louis murmured softly into Aiden's ear.  
  
"'Coarse babe." Aiden said as he went away from their lunch table.  
  
"Did you hear about Alexandra?" Niall said from behind her as she took Aiden's seat.  
  
"I know everything, babe." Louis said back as she reapplied her eyeliner and powered her electronic cigarette that she could smoke indoors.  
  
"Ugh, you always knows the latest gossip, I swear you have like microphones in our phones or some shit." The fake blond girl said back.  
  
"Oh god, Alex really did fuck up bad time didn't she?" Liam asked bored. People often wondered how the footie captain could join in on Louis clique - but it was fairly simple, she was one of Louis childhood friend and the only one she trusted.  
  
"We'll teach her after school." Linda said from the far end of her table, looking way too entertained.   
  
"Here you go babe." Aiden said as he came back with her water bottle. Louis took a large sip from it and patted his head as if saying thank you.  
  
"The food wasn't to your taste?" He asked as he looked at Louis untouched food tray.  
  
Louis shook her head and pushed it away from her. Every girl at the table mimicked her movement.  
  
"Simple horrible, how could they call that a steak." She said as she threw her long brown hair over her shoulder.   
  
"God yes, I had to force down those two bites." Miranda said, sucking up to her. It was obvious she had eaten more than two bites.  
  
"All food is so disgusting here, I feel like it's my responsibility as the queen to fix this." Louis started dramatically as she took another sip from her loka bottle.  
  
"I think we should do some homemade food and bakery on friday. Everyone will finally taste something good for lunch and the money will go to red cross." Louis smiled, her lancôme 132 rouge stretched over her lips.  
  
"You're so kind, like a goddess or something," Micah said from her far right, a hand dramatically over her chest.  
  
A chorus followed soon after, "That's such an amazing idea!", "Yes! I'll check with my chef,", "you're so kind oh my god,", "I'll spread the word!"  
  
And on and on.  
  
Louis grinned as she sat up even straighter and took another sip from her bottle, filled with vodka and sprite zero. Help those in need, please. She simple just didn’t want to eat, just like those bitches should know not to.  
  


* * *

  
Alexandra got what she deserved. Louis repeated it over and over again as they continued to publicly humiliate her, throwing more and more hurtful words at her.  
  
“Please!” She begged with tears in her eyes, “I didn’t mean to fuck him, Jonathan just came at me, please, believe me! I didn’t want it!”   
  
Louis closed her eyes, she believed her. She knew exactly what she meant.  
  
“Yeah, fucking Louis ex behind our back? That’s just the tip of the ice of what you’ve done,” Nina laughed cruelly.  
  
She opened her eyes, she saw how desperate Alex looked. She knew that feeling all too well. She bent down, whispering for only Alexandra to hear, _“You better change school now, or he’ll come after you again.”_  
  
Louis didn’t look back but she did hear her cry of agony. She went to her car as she heard Chloé say “You think you can crawl back to us? You’re fucking out of this, get lost, whore.”  
  
She took another sip of her battle as she closed the door to her black Range Rover, Liam sitting down next to her.  
  
For five minutes Louis drove in silence, as Liam continued to rant to her about how wrongly she handled the whole Alexandra situation. She didn’t know shit. Jonathan was a fucking rapist and baseball captain. No one fucking knew that, except Alex now. Louis exhaled as she continued to listen to Liam’s talking. She hoped Alexandra changed school, for her own good.  
  
And everything went to hell when Liam took a sip from her bottle, and almost threw up on the spot.  
  
"Why are you doing this to yourself! This isn't fucking healthy!" Liam screamed at Louis.  
  
"What the fuck happened to my Louis? The Louis who would play football with me ever night, eat ice cream after school and play fifa?!" Liam shout at her.  
  
Louis tightened her hold on her steering wheel as her childhood friend continued to rant about her.  
  
"And now-- now this!" She said as she held up her loka bottle, "I thought it was just water as you're constantly drinking from it, but no!"   
  
Liam threw the bottle out the window, "Bloody vodka. You're literally getting drunk at school and -fuck, you should not be driving right now."  
  
"Liam," Louis started, only to get cut off.  
  
"Pull over. I can't do this anymore, Lou." She said as she looked down defeated.  
  
"Leeyu-"  
  
"Pull. Over."  
  
Louis sighted as she stopped by the rundown 7/11 parking spot.  
  
"Louis what the fuck have happened to you. You never fucking eat, always drinking, always the center of attention. Five years prior you never gave a fuck what anyone thought about you as you skated down the streets."  
  
Liam took a deep breath, "You have become those girls we used to hate. For fuck sake, you're the queen bitch who bullies people into eating disorders and changing school."  
  
Louis looked at Liam, her childhood friend, the one who she never thought would judge her.  
  
"We swore to alway be by each other's side, to never judge." She said quietly. There weren’t any tears treading in her eyes like the move made it believe. No, she was just so fucking tired.  
  
Liam huffed out a fake laugh -- Louis wonders if she had learned it from herself, it sounded just like her own, "Don't. We said that when we was young and played football together. Not now when you're wearing low cuts and clothes way too small."  
  
"Well, I quite like this style." She smiled up at her. Fakely. How does one even smile anymore, she wonders.  
  
Liam huffed, "See! What the fuck, why aren't you taking this seriously? I can't Louis -- I'm sorry."  
  
Louis looked at her with no expression, "This is it? You're just going to walk out this door and throw away years of friendship?"  
  
The taller girl shook her head, "No, you were the one who destroyed it from the start."  
  
And with that she left the car.  
  
Louis gave her a full minute before racing off the parking lot. Louis needed someone, anyone. She fucking needed someone and Liam let her down.  
  
"Ay look who's here!" Harry giggled from where they were seated on the dirty grass, half burned out from their cigs.  
  
"Limaaaa!" Zayn shouted and waved happily.  
  
"Rough day?" Harry smiled and offered the joint to her.  
  
Liam shook her head politely at as she took a seat on the grass with them.  
  
She have talked with Zayn quite a bit before, always pairing up in art and P.E, and she have had some casual chats with Harry.  
  
Liam chuckled humorless, "You could say that, think I just got kicked out from Louis squad."  
  
Zayn smiled happily, like she had just told her the best news in the world.  
  
"Finally! You didn't fit in with those hoes anyway!"  
  
Harry nodded, "You can join our little clique, see you already have some tattoos down!"  
  
Liam looked disapproving at Zayn, "Just because they've made other life choices than us doesn't mean you should call them whores."  
  
"Aw babe, why do you care? _Louis just kicked you out_ ," Zayn sing songed out.  
  


* * *

  
"Look at that," Chloé snickered beside her and pointed at Zayn and Harry. “Liam is sitting with those freaks, fucking backstabber.”   
  
Louis was cuddling with Niall, her new favorite since Liam left. Liam had always been next in line for the invincible crown Louis wore, Niall the third. It was just how their hierarchy worked, and with silver gone, she had to settle down for bronze.  
  
“Liam fucked up. That’s all you need to know.” She said, and it was like a silent commando to never speak with or about her again.  
  
“So, Niall, you want to come back to me today?” Niall nodded happily. Louis smiled back, she was going to make her perfect.   
  


* * *

  
She never really got all the magazines way of seeing things with eating disorders. Sure, everyone wanted to get thin, but they always took up the fat girls who have, or had it.  
  
And it sucked being the medium, skinny girl, who fit into all these smal dresses with stomach sucked in. It was never a story about the girls who were at 50 kg.  
  
Those who have always been told they were gaining weight by their fathers, yet never by their friends.  
  
Those girls who were only perfect when they had the Victoria Secret body. Those who already was thin, but never skinny enough.  
  
The magazine never brought them up. Louis threw away the paper from her, who gave a fuck about the new 5/2 diet or the others.  
  
She wanted to be perfect. And she'll be perfect when she's thin as air, like all songs sings about.  
  
Over the time it became a routine. Skip breakfast - no one ever checked it. The school lunch was shit. Dinner - check. Puke it up.  
  
She remember the first time she threw up red wine and noodles one night. How disgusting it felt when she had finally tickled, teased, her throat enough to puke up, to have all vomited liquor tinted red and the noodles trapped in her throat that she had to drag out.  
  
That was the night she learned to chew correctly.   
  


  
_Disposable Girls_   
  


 

"Tomlinson, Styles," the teacher said as he went through the list of names of people who would work together. The teacher didn't give a fuck how neither of them was on the end of each social ladder.  
  
And it was going to end in a disaster.  
  
Working home from Styles only proved it.  
  
"What the fuck do you know, what the fucking fuck do you know about me?" Louis shouted at her.  
  
"You don’t know shit, you ain't in the fucking game. Harry Styles, do I know of you, I know bloody everything."  
  
Harry's blood run cold, "No, you don't know shit." She sneered.  
  
Louis smirked, that half laughing, half pitying one, "Babe, you're just some fuck up, get on my level before you start talking shit."   
  
"Why are you trying to hide it, just fucking accept Grimshaw fucking raped you," She said so calmly, and Harry was thrown off of how quick she went from broken laughter to calm, indifferent face, "Every goddamn pretty girl have been raped, just get the fuck over it and stop playing sad.”  
  
Harry threw herself at her, holding her down with her body, "You dare breath his name," She hissed in her ear.  
  
"Or you'll what?" She laughed right into her face, "Fuck me, rape me, hit me against my will? Nothing you do, I swear I already know the melody of."  
  
Harry said nothing as she held her down, looking into her eyes.  
  
Louis continued to giggle, that turned into a half gargling sound of maniac laughter as Harry released her, “You’re more fucked up than me.”   
  
"Fuck whatever Grimshaw did to you. Fuck you against your will, that's the minimum to get in, don't play around babe."  
  
Louis looked her deep in her eyes, and Harry shuddered at how empty they looked.  
  
"Do talk to me if you can handle it, otherwise, let us work on this fucking project." Louis said and when back to her mac air.  
  
And it was in this moment Harry realised how shrewd, how bipolar Louis was.  
  
And she finally released how many upper and downer she took daily, as she saw Louis snort coke in the bathroom.  
  


* * *

  
_“No, no,” She muttered, “This isn’t perfect.”_   
  
_Liam looked at her artwork, “I think it’s gorgeous, one of your best work, but I have to say it’s way more fucked up than your usual. Not saying your other works aren’t screwed -- but this one really takes the price.”_   
  
_Harry shook her head, “It isn’t grotesque enough. It doesn’t show the pain, filled with agony and indifference; it isn’t enough.”_   
  
_“It’s grotesque and gory enough, I’ll tell you that.” Liam put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, looking at the canvas._   
  
_It was two girls, each sewn together at their groin yet facing different side, it wasn’t natural at all. One of the girls, the one with caramel hair was smiling with bloody tears, holding up her hands as if caressing another lover._   
  
_The other girl, the one with dark hair, was dead to the world, crying normal wet tears and mouth spewing out dried blood, her arms death at her side._   
  
_“As Liam said, it’s is disgustingly beautiful.” Zayn said and kissed Liam, “Their expression is simply amazing, maybe you should work on the background more?” The model asked._   
  
_Harry shook her head again, “It isn’t right.”_   
  
_She looked at the drawing, it was grotesque and perfect, but it wasn’t enough. It needed more. It needed hatred burning like fire, and apathy like ice._   
  
_She sold it at 15 millions. She hated it._   
  


* * *

  
She can’t remember when she stopped to feed. It wasn’t like she one day woke up thinking she wasn’t skinny enough - she just forgot about it.   
  
It was probably in the summer break, waking up around eleven when it was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch. So she took some black coffee, 2calc, and a morning cigarette. Sometimes she would take a toast around three, otherwise she didn’t eat anything until supper.  
  
And so Louis got into that habit, ignoring food and smoking instead. Taking some milk or juice to start the day with if she had the time, otherwise black coffee and even more fags. She changed between those Lucky Strike ice blast click and roll, red Marlboro and Black Devil strawberry quite often, just to mix up her everyday routine.  
  
All girl followed her of course. No breakfast, no lunch; just cigarette, black coffee and vodka. Beer had too much calories in it, as Jasmine said, but wine was alright.  
  
Wine wasn’t all right at all - but it was better than clean vodka. You can’t make cocktails, then you’ll need soda and that have way too much fat in it, as Marika said.  
  
Louis smiled dryly, oh how well she have teached these girls. Her stomach rumbled, but she ignored it. It was something comforting with the feeling of emptiness in her stomach, a feeling like home; something she felt everyday.   
  
But on the other hand, she did love the feeling of vomiting, puking everything up; feeling, food, blood, acid and whatever liquors still inside of her. It was beautiful how her throat opened up, giving up fighting and letting everything out.  
  


* * *

  
”Why aren’t you in class?” Harry said as she entered the loo.  
  
”Should ask you the same.” Louis said back, continuing to apply her eyeliner. While her mascara was waterproof and didn’t run when she cried and puked, the same couldn’t be said about her eyeliner.  
  
”Nah, I ain’t feeling up for listening to Paul drag on about his not so subtle crush on Ginger Khan.”  
  
Louis chuckled as Harry lighted up a black devil strawberry, ”Thought you’d stick to chocolate, keeping the cigarettes black, punk rock and all that.” She pointed at the pink cig.  
  
”Nah, I’m all for colors, you want one?” Harry asked, opening the pack to her.  
  
”You should buy more.” Louis took one of the three fags left in the package, lighting it up with her lighter as she applied more mascara to her eyes. Size Queen by Too Faced really was magic, it was slowly creeping its way up to the top beside Lancôme.  
  
”You look fine.” Harry blew out the smoke, making rings in the windless bathroom.  
  
Louis huffed, why is she even here, why the fuck is she talking to her, ”I know. I’m thinking of either mugshot or darkside? Obviously I’m using strange as ground.” She showed her the naked 3 palette.  
  
Harry considerate it, ”Smokey eyes is a bit too much, eh? I think burnout or rust will look best on you, with that purple-reddish lipstick you wore some day ago.”  
  
”Hmm, keeping track on me, are you?” Louis smiled filthy at her.  
  
Harry threw her cigarette in the toilet, ”Hard not to. Aren’t you supposed to bully some freshman? Whore yourself out to the captains?"  
  
Low blow really, what crawled up her arse and died. ”I feel like doing nothing with my life, maybe get high on the parking lot.” Louis smiled fakely at her.  
  
”You know what, fucking stop acting so high and mighty just because you have everyone eating out of your palm.” Harry snapped at her, and wow, this girl either woke up on a bad mode, or are having some bad trip.  
  
”You’re right, Harry,” She smiled, ”I think I’ll go and fuck, _talk_ , to the rugby captain about how annoying Harry Styles is, how evil she is towards me. Think he’ll have something to talk to you, then, and maybe you can get him to eat out of your palm?” She smirked, Harry didn’t know who she was dealing with, and Louis wasn’t going to take any shit.  
  
Harry pushed her toward the sink, her nails cutting into her hips, ”You’re a right bitch, aren’t you? Can’t fucking do anything by yourself.”  
  
Underestimated really, she does everything by herself; this school would go under if she wasn’t there to control it. She told Harry this, and the girl laughed in her face.  
  
Harry shook her head as she walked away, ”When you are old and grey, when no one remembers you nor loves you, how happy will you be knowing you controlled a school?”  
  


* * *

  
' _What is worst, being loved or ignored'_  
  
 _It was a painting of a beautiful, by current society's standard, brown haired girl, whose long hair covered parts the media always censored._  
  
 _The painting was of a goddess with radiating grey blue eyes reaching out towards the ignoring angels; giving her the shoulder with their beautiful white and golden wings, and hell itself eating her up._  
  
 _"Quite dark, this one." Zayn said as she stood beside Harry, admiring the painting._  
  
 _"Not really." She shrugged, Louis was cruel with her words, those words she left her with, but she was truthful. "While I associate it with heaven or hell, it's nothing biblical."_  
  
 _Liam stood by her left, "While all your works are beautiful, this one reminds me of someone." The football pro said._  
  
 _"It's lovely though, have you read the bible lately, or?"_  
  
 _Harry smirked and walked away, no one seemed to get it._  
  
 _"This brown haired one seems to be a repeating piece in your art." An older lady said to Harry, smelling off the classic Chanel no.9._  
  
 _"Indeed, that brown haired one bares many memories for me." Harry said back as they continued their walk around her gallery._  
  
 _"This one is beautiful." She spoke as they passed a painting of a brown haired child looking up into the painting with dead eyes. She was naked with a bloody knife in her hand and cuts all over where her heart should be. Stomach opened with a cut and entrails painting the floor._  
  
 _Harry snorted, "It isn't a pretty one." She continued to walk, excepting to old lady to follow her._  
  
 _The lady touched the canvas lightly, "I'll pay ten million for it."_  
  
 _Harry shook her head, this was just some sketch with broken ruined colors all over it._  
  
 _The madam took it as a no as she spoke, "Fifteen."_  
  
 _Harry could only nod. She looked at the ruined canvas, Louis looked so pretty with blood all over her with the ever repeating blue and purple shadows._  
  


* * *

  
"Welcome to my humble home," Louis said dryly, her red eyes looking up at Harry, "What do you want?"  
  
Harry entered the enormous estate, "Some water, I guess."  
  
Loui snorted as she enter the gigantic kitchen that was bigger than Harry’s whole apartment, taking an absolut star wars edition on the way and drinking straight from it. "Water, are we in preschool once again?"  
  
Harry looked around the kitchen, shrugging, "What do you recommend?"  
  
"For this project, some strong scotch or vodka. I ain't writing about communism and Max sober, that's for sure." Contrary to what she said, Louis took out some red wine and two bottles.  
  
"So, study room or library?" She asked.  
  
Harry felt ridiculous in this big house.  
  
She got saved from answering with the arrival of Louis mother. She was walking around with latest fashion and perfect makeup, probably meeting up for some neighbourhood gossiping.  
  
“Louis, darling! I’m going to Karoline, be a doll and greet the pool and garden boys when they come here?” The elder woman said and kissed Louis on the cheek, not even caring about all the bottles she held on to.  
  
Harry shook her head as she followed Louis into her chamber.  
  
This lifestyle was out of her world.  
  


* * *

  
"So, Niall, what do you like to do?" Louis asked as they entered her mansion, heading towards the kitchen.  
  
"Well, I do love to play the guitar, and some times when the weather is nice I'll jump on my bicycle and drive the dirt-"  
  
"Hello Martha, do two cosmopolitans, no orange peel." Louis cut her off, talking to the chef.  
  
"I don't really like-" Niall begun.  
  
"God, I know it has lots of calories, around 210, but I think we deserve it after no breakfast or lunch." Louis winked at her.  
  
Niall looked around the room, "But I ate breakfast."  
  
louis smiled that angelic smile, "It's okay, you can puke that out."

  
  
_Disposable Girls_   
  


Niall stood over the toilet, having just googled how to puke on commando. She hated it as she felt it come up, but she couldn't disappoint Louis. 

  
She have finally gotten the chance to prove her worth, to show everyone she was so much more than a girl. She was basically the second head bitch after Louis, and this gave her opportunities. Something she couldn't waste, this was a chance to show everyone wrong.   
  
She dig hard into her throat, for everyone who bullied her as young for her thick accent.  
  
She teased the red thing in her mouth for everyone who beat her.  
  
For everyone who kicked her. Swore at her. Abused her. For her father. She digged harder, feeling the remnants of her breakfast coming up. Those calories was already wasted, having already gone into her body.  
  
A forty to one hour time limit, as Jessica spoke about in loud voice. Louis looked at her from the doorway, 'I hope I've made her proud.'  
  
Niall threw up one more time just because she could. "It feels quite nice, doesn't it?" She said to her.  
  
Louis laughed, "Indeed it does. I've already threw up the cocktails; and I have some vodka, a private room, and loud speakers."  
  
Niall smiled at her, vodka is basically water with happiness in calories, as Linda said.  
  


* * *

  
"Look at them, disgusting." Jess said pointing towards the three girls. Zayn and Harry and Liam.   
  
“They have nothing going on in their life, just smoking their life away while sitting on that fucking bench.” Caroline laughed cruelly.  
  
“They are going to be the nameless junkies dead in the alley we’ll read about in our future.” She said.  
  
Niall looked toward Louis who was just nodding along with her fake smile in place.  
  
“Isn’t it cruel to talk about them like that?” Niall whispered in the queen’s ear.  
  
Louis smile didn’t fade as she spoke, neither the creases at her eyes. She had the perfect mask, the perfect queen. Not a princess like the rest who still had to learn to wrap the captains around their fingers, the princesses who still had to learn how to make the perfect smile while destroying someone’s life.  
  
That in learned, maybe even in programmed, smile. That one between pitying and holy-than-thou smile.   
  
Louis wore it so pretty, “Love, haven’t you whispered harsher words than that?” She said back in her ear.  
  
Niall frowned, her role was to agree with everyone, avoids conflicts and look perfect. And just like that it hit her. She was silver, she would be Queen after Louis. She’s silver.   
  
She’s silver, she is supposed to act, to gain the respect. When she’s queen she can be like the indifferent Louis with a perfect smile and contact with everyone who’s name is worth remembering.  
  
So, Niall laughed along with the rest of the girls saying, “Do you remember how boring Liam was when she was with us? Bloody cunt, thinking she even had a place at our table.”  
  
“Hah, remember how judgement she was towards us and good to those freaks? It was only a question of time before she left.” A girl at the end of the table spoke up.  
  
Speak, make your voice heard. It was everything, to make Louis take notice of you.  
  
“She have always been one of them.” Louis spoke out loud for the first time the whole lunch.  
  
And just like that, the whole cafeteria shut up. No one, not even the sport freaks nor goths spoke. Everyone was waiting for her to speak. If anything, it was scary. Scary to think that this will be her next year. Niall sat in her seat, holding her bottle of wine in front of her with expectation.  
  
“Liam have always been weird. I meet her when she was still socially awkward, God knows she still is,”  
  
The whole table laughed.  
  
“She is fucked up, a tomboy with her short hair and muscular body. Yet, I still remember so clearly the time I offered my hand to her at the swings, and she have followed me the whole way.” Louis continued.  
  
Everyone was silent, not even the small chattering like usual. It hit her then, that when Louis spoke, she didn’t speak like a queen --no, she spoke like someone before the big battle. Maybe like Aragon.   
  
Niall nodded to herself as she listened in on Louis speech and drinking her in disgusted wine. Yeah, Louis isn’t a queen, she’s Aragon, a warlord, a Goddess.  
  
“So I don’t see Liam being with the artsy people weird, no I expected this. Yet, I feel sorrow in my heart thinking of everything she gave up. Our friendship meant nothing to her, neither did any of you. It is a shame, really.” Louis finished.  
  
Niall watched around as the other started to chat once again. If Louis had a special talent; manipulation would be hers.  
  
She wished the best for Liam, Harry and Zayn, “Man, I can’t believe Liam would go so low.” She said.

  
_Disposable Girls_   
  


Louis looks pristine as she once against attends some business get together.  
  
 _“When you are old and grey, when no one remembers you nor loves you.”_  
  
Louis closes her eyes, everyone remembers her, everyone wants to have her life.  
  
A big mansion.  
  
More money than anyone could ever dream about.  
  
The latest fashion.  
  
She feels empty.  
  
Ah, everything is boring, and everyone, boys to girls, listen to her. Let her manipulate them like puppets.   
  
So she puts on her fake, perfect smile while she drinks the expensive champagne and laughs.

 


End file.
